


hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

by yeolakkuma



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Body Modification, Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 07:00:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13161714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeolakkuma/pseuds/yeolakkuma
Summary: Baekhyun lost himself in piercings, Jongin lost himself in tattoos.





	hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Showert_ime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Showert_ime/gifts).



> a|n : nini, you are a doll. i adore you. xoxo merry christmas.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **unbeta'd**

Nights at the bar were Baekhyun’s favorite, not because he drank but because he was the bartender. He wasn’t a college drop-out or unintelligent. On the contrary, Baekhyun had a degree in Hospitality and Business Management. He used it well to help run a small but popular bar in the middle of Seoul.

 

The reason he loved his job wasn’t just because he liked to show off his bartending skills. He actually loved to listen to people’s stories. Every person had a different story to tell and Baekhyun loved to hear them. It was a lullaby as he rotated around the other bartenders serving drinks and wiping the bar. He knew almost all of the stories in the bar, save for one.

 

Kai.

 

Fridays were the day that Kai came in. Every Friday at eleven at night. He would walk in, sit in the stool labelled ‘B3’, and then order a pint of Cass. Baekhyun rarely interacted with him, but he always listened as he talked to the other bartenders. Baekhyun liked the way he laughed. It was loud and untamed, much like he heard Kai was period. Sometimes though, Baekhyun wondered about Kai.

 

He always came in a white button-down and black slacks. The other bartenders would talk about how attractive he was but Baekhyun wasn’t phased. They speculated on what he did; everything from young, genius lawyer to assassin. Baekhyun would always go back to wiping down the glasses and the bar, ignoring them.

 

The days went on like that for a while. Weeks passed and Baekhyun got more stories and noticed Kai a lot more. He continued to sit in the same stool, but sometimes he would wander to the dance floor and find a willing partner. Sometimes it was a girl, sometimes it was a boy. Baekhyun wondered how in the hell he learned to move his body like it was water.

 

The first Friday Baekhyun talked to Kai, he was one of two bartenders. Everyone else had canceled their shifts leaving Baekhyun to pick up the slack. It wasn’t like he couldn’t handle it, but he was really tired of the guy in ‘B5’ ordering tequila and flirting with him. It wasn’t like it had never happened before but ‘B5’ was notorious for trying to pick up anyone he could.

 

Baekhyun was wiping down the bar when he got the nerve to grab at Baekhyun’s wrist and hold it tight, “C’mon sweetheart. I’ll make it worth your while.”

 

“I’m not interested.”

 

Baekhyun pulled his wrist back and began again cleaning the bar. He knew he would have more to do at closing and he really didn’t want to stay until the sun rose. But this guy wasn’t taking no for an answer. He ordered another shot of tequila and then grabbed Baekhyun’s bicep this time making him lean over the bar.

 

“C’mon. Let’s go.”

 

“He said he isn’t interested you fucking thick skulled twat.”

 

Baekhyun felt the grip on his arm loosen as he looked over to see Kai standing over him. He smirked and Baekhyun’s heart drummed in his chest. He did not need a fucking fight to break out in the bar with low staff and even lower patience. Kai stood there for a moment longer with his hands in his pockets before the other guy just stumbled out of the stool and then out of the bar. Baekhyun bit down on his lip and mumbled a quick ‘thanks’. But that didn’t satisfy Kai.

 

“Speak up, gorgeous.”

 

“I said thanks.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Kai smiled and Baekhyun found himself smiling too. Kai tapped the edge of his pint and Baekhyun just shook his head when he got a saucy wink. He filled another frosted glass and set it in front of Kai and then went back to cleaning up the rest of the bar.

 

The rest of the night was a lot quieter as the patrons started to leave. Baekhyun was thankful no one else decided to try and take him home. He was not in the mood to shoot another person down because he probably would have hit them. The last person left at the bar besides the people lingering on the dance floor was Kai.

 

Baekhyun walked around the bar and started to clean the barstools as he finished his last beer. He ran a hand through his hair and Baekhyun noticed that the color had changed. It was brown last week and now it was blonde. He sighed and Baekhyun felt the sentiment. He was tired too and ready to go home to his dog.

 

He cleaned every stool until he got to the one Kai was sitting in. He looked up with a drowsy smirk before taking out his wallet and leaving some cash on the bar, his usual way to pay his tab. He never skimped out and always tipped well. Baekhyun smiled and watched as he turned in the stool. Baekhyun was nearly between his legs until he was pulled.

 

“For taking care of me tonight.”

 

He lifted up some bills in a napkin and tucked them into Baekhyun’s apron before winking touching his chin. Baekhyun just shook his head and laughed watching Kai stumble out of the bar calling a cab. Baekhyun just got back to work and cleaned up everything forgetting the tip in his pocket.

 

When he got home and sat down on the couch with Mongryong, his corgi, he dumped out the contents of his apron. A bunch of pens fell out and some napkins, then he started counting his tip.

 

“Not a bad night, huh Mongry?”

 

There was a wad of bills on the side with the pens and when Baekhyun picked it up he nearly lost his shit. Folded up in a napkin was two ₩50,000 notes. The napkin had messy handwriting and Baekhyun stared at it a long time before he could read what it said.

 

“You have something...on your ass?”

 

Baekhyun stood up with the napkin and walked into the bathroom. He turned in the mirror lifting up his shirt and sure enough, there on his right pant pocket was a red and pink handprint on his black denim jeans. It could only mean that he wiped his bleach soaked gloved hand on his pants.

 

“Fuck!”

 

Baekhyun groaned and threw his head back. He didn’t need to ruin another pair of jeans. He wasn’t exactly broke, but he didn’t really need to spend the extra money. He looked back at the napkin and turned it over seeing something else written. It was a bit easier to read and Baekhyun smiled before returning to the couch.

 

_“Use this money to get another pair. They make your thighs look fucking delicious.”_

 

Baekhyun mindlessly pet Mongryong while counting out his tips. He had gotten quite a bit more than usual thanks to Kai and decided it was okay to buy pants and maybe a take out the next night. After picking up the extra shift Baekhyun took Saturday off.

 

The night drifted off and so did Baekhyun until he finally picked himself and his dog off the couch to lay in bed. He tossed his clothes and looked at himself in the mirror. Sometimes he forgot what he looked like outside of his usual work clothes. Most people probably wouldn’t expect all the things Baekhyun had underneath his clothes.

 

Like shiny jewelry and glittering stones set against his creamy skin. The first had been his nipples on a dare. In his senior year of college, his best friend Chanyeol had bet him lots of money and Baekhyun wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. He found himself addicted to the way it hurt and felt so good at the same time.

 

After that, he got four up the side of each ear and two in each lobe. It went on to his tongue and then he wanted more. The piercer, Tao, suggested either dermal or surface piercings. Baekhyun decided dermals and it went downhill from there. He got one in each Venus dimple, and then one on each hip, then he got another above the ones on his hips. All in all, he had way too many piercings to count.

 

As he ran his hands over each one he thought about getting another. He could pierce his navel, or get another dermal. He thought about more extreme piercings but decided against those. Baekhyun ran the barbell in his mouth against his bottom lip contemplating another hole before deciding it was time for bed and not time to think about how another piercing meant spending money, money he needed to use for new pants because Kai had been staring at his ass the whole night.

  
  


A week later Baekhyun had bought new pants, found some new confidence, and even got his hair done. It was bright red and everyone complimented him. He wore grey circle lenses and decided to wear something other than a black shirt with his apron. He chose a brand new black and red striped long sleeve shirt that already had yellow bleach stains. If he got more on it, it would just add character.

 

Even Kai complimented his hair. He said it made him look as hot as he sounded and matched his fiery personality. Baekhyun found himself a bit smug that the ever so doted upon Kai was complimenting him so openly. The other bartenders were jealous.

 

The night went on and Baekhyun got several more compliments from his regulars. He found himself playing with his barbell a lot more, something he did when he was thoughtful. It took him a moment to realize that he was wiping the same spot on the bar right in front of Kai.

 

“I didn’t realize you had that in your mouth.”

 

Baekhyun looked up to see Kai drinking from his pint and smiling into the rim. He pointed and Baekhyun realized he had his barbell between his teeth, sliding it around. Baekhyun put his tongue back in his mouth and grit his teeth.

 

“Sorry. Just a habit.”

 

“It’s sexy.”

 

That made Baekhyun blush and then bite back down on the barbell again. He slid is across his bottom lip and then flicked his tongue out to show Kai. He smirked before leaning over a little closer and setting his chin in his hands.

 

“You gotta stop that, gorgeous. It’s making me think of all the dirty things I’d like to put in your mouth.”

 

Baekhyun sat wide-eyed and a little embarrassed. Sure, he was used to people blatantly flirting with him, but not Kai and not with a wink and a seductive lip bite. It would take more than that to get Baekhyun and smirked before tapping Kai’s unstable arms.

 

“Try harder, ass.”

 

“I have! I even complimented your body!”

 

“Just because you said my thighs look delicious doesn’t mean I’m going to go home with you.”

 

“You will eventually baby.”

 

There was something in those words that made Baekhyun turn around, but when he looked to Kai he saw someone else. The confident smirking Kai had been replaced with someone who looked sorrowful and hurt. His face was a lot more youthful and the droop to his eyes made Baekhyun hurt for some reason. Baekhyun sighed and walked back over taking one of Kai’s hands.

 

“Sorry. I’m not used to this whole push and pull thing. I don’t actually flirt with any of my regulars.”

 

“I’m not just a regular though.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I’ll explain one day. Maybe next time.”

 

Kai laced his fingers through Baekhyun’s and there was something warm and familiar about them that had Baekhyun feeling comfortable. They were strong and the pads of Kai’s fingers were rough. They brushed over Baekhyun’s knuckles like he knew them well and Baekhyun had to smile.

 

“I’ll see you next week right?”

 

“Of course! I work here silly.”

 

“Mm. I know. I just get scared you won’t be here.”

 

“I promise I will be.”

 

Kai stood and again threw some bills on the bar. Baekhyun stepped up over the ledge on the floor to be a bit taller as Kai put another tip in his apron. He lingered just a moment and Baekhyun didn’t miss the way his eyes looked like he was in agony, even though he was smiling. Kai turned and left that night in silence as Baekhyun watch his shoulder rise and fall like he was breaking down into tears.

 

Why - Baekhyun wasn’t sure of, but someday he wanted to find out.

  
  


Every night the following week all Baekhyun thought about was Kai, and why he was suddenly interested in Baekhyun. It wasn’t like Baekhyun hadn’t had boyfriends. He vaguely remembered dating plenty before college. He sighed wanting to find out just why him. But the following Friday, Kai wasn’t there. He never showed and it hurt Baekhyun’s heart badly, worse than it should have. There was an unfamiliar ache that Baekhyun couldn’t place. The guy in ‘B3’ became some sort of familiar comfort and the empty  stool made Baekhyun upset.

 

It was nearly midnight when he finally showed up already drunk and stumbling into the barstool. Usually, Baekhyun didn’t serve people who came in already intoxicated but all Kai wanted was a shot of vodka and his usual pint. Baekhyun shrugged and let him have it. One beer and a shot turned into two beers and Baekhyun watching him nearly sob into his glass. Kai was upset but Baekhyun couldn’t bring himself to ask why.

 

The night continued on and Kai didn’t leave. He drank another beer and Baekhyun saw his head hit the bar a few times. Everyone else cleared out at closing time and Baekhyun found himself carrying Kai to his apartment. Drunk Kai was a babbling one and he kept talking about how Baekhyun was so pretty, and so nice. He leaned in close a few times smelling the spot where Baekhyun’s cologne was the strongest and each time he sobbed a little louder.

 

By the time they reached his apartment, Baekhyun was exhausted. Kai stumbled inside and toed off his shoes leaning against the wall. What Baekhyun found weird was that he found his way all the way to Baekhyun’s bathroom without any lights or Baekhyun telling him where to go. He heard retching and knew that Kai was now puking his guts up.

 

Baekhyun made his way to Kai, taking his apron off in the process. He was hunched over the toilet and looked a bit worse for wear. Baekhyun took pity and wet a washcloth setting it against his neck. He sighed, flushed the toilet, and sat back holding the coolness against his skin.

 

“Mm sorry. Rough day.”

 

“It’s okay. I got worried when you didn’t show up.”

 

“You miss me?”

 

“Of course I did, Kai.”

 

Kai smiled before biting his lip and looking up with sad eyes, “Jongin, name is Jongin. Please, call me by my real name.”

 

“Okay, Jongin, do you want me to help you get out of your nasty clothes? You can stay here tonight if you don’t try anything.”

 

“I won’t baby. I swear.”

 

Baekhyun secretly loved the way Kai - Jongin called him baby. He helped him stand before Jongin turned the faucet on and rinsed his mouth. He drenched his face and hair using the washcloth to wipe himself down. Baekhyun grabbed a dry towel and set it around his neck. He smiled until he tried to unbutton his shirt which proved unsuccessful. Baekhyun just untucked it before laughing at Jongin’s pouty face.

 

“You’re even too drunk to undress you big baby.”

 

“I told you it was a rough day.”

 

“Why did you have a rough day?”

 

“My boyfriend forgot it was our anniversary.”

 

Baekhyun froze at the third button. Jongin was drunk and not single, and standing in his bathroom soaking wet. He looked up with hesitant eyes to see Jongin crying again. Warm hands found Baekhyun’s waist and he couldn’t help but let himself be pulled in. Jongin started to cry harder and Baekhyun felt worse.

 

Who was this boyfriend and why did he forget their anniversary?

 

Jongin pulled back for a moment and Baekhyun started to continue unbuttoning his shirt. When he pushed it open Baekhyun froze again. Jongin’s bronze skin was covered and painted in different shades of different colors. Baekhyun let his hands wander over each raised line and picture taking it all in. Jongin had tattoos everywhere, and everywhere was nearly every inch of exposed skin up to his neck.

 

Over his chest was a tribal wolf with a sunset background that spread down to his stomach with tall trees and smoke. Baekhyun pushed the shirt off his shoulders and ran his hands down thicker lines and more ink. One sleeve was soft pink and blue roses with a skull on his shoulder. The other was a lot more intricate.

 

At the top of his shoulder was a pocket watch and chain. The end of the chain stopped near the crease of his elbow, a triangle symbol with a swirling vortex in the center dangling from it. The outside space was filled with gray shadows and gold filigree. Baekhyun ran his hand up and down looking over the details.

 

“Why a pocket watch?”

 

“The time is important.”

 

“Why?”

 

“It’s the moment my boyfriend lost his memories.”

 

Baekhyun ran his hand up again and watched as Jongin’s skin raised with goosebumps. He thought about what Jongin had said about his boyfriend not remembering their anniversary. Now he knew why. He couldn’t remember anything. Baekhyun felt sorry for Jongin. If his boyfriend couldn’t remember their anniversary, he probably didn’t even remember Jongin.

 

“Does he know who you are?”

 

“Sorta. He doesn’t exactly remember me.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I know baby.”

 

Jongin’s hand found Baekhyun’s face and it was so easy to lean into the comfort of his palm. One hand turned into two and Jongin walking Baekhyun back into the bedroom. He didn’t push or try anything other than just sitting Baekhyun on the edge of the bed.

 

Baekhyun sat and watched as Jongin reached into the dressed and pulled out a pair of clean boxers. He wondered again, how Jongin knew where everything was. He took off his pants and changed his underwear and Baekhyun blushed at how he had no shame. They shared a laugh before Jongin threw the damp towel into the hamper.

 

There was a small moment of hesitation before Baekhyun let Jongin take off his shirt. He lifted the sweater before throwing it in the hamper with everything else. He took in Baekhyun’s appearance before running the pads of his fingers over Baekhyun’s piercings. He started at the dermals on his hips circling each one before running his thumbs across Baekhyun’s nipples.

 

“I didn’t know all this was here.”

 

“They’re kinda new.”

 

“Can I - ?”

 

“What about your boyfriend?”

 

“He knows where I am.”

 

Baekhyun moaned high when Jongin’s teeth grazed the jewelry and pulled. He swirled his tongue a few times before his hands found Baekhyun’s hips pushing him down in the bed. He kissed down Baekhyun’s stomach before pulling his jeans off. They laid down in bed together and Baekhyun curled up next to Jongin.

 

“Baekhyun?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Where’s Mongryong?”

 

“He’s in his kennel - Wait, how did you know I have a dog?”

 

“I uh, overheard you a couple times talking about him.”

 

Baekhyun smiled and nodded it off before walking across the bedroom and letting his dog out. He ran all the way to the bed whining and shaking himself before covering Jongin’s face in licks. Baekhyun had never seen him act like that except when he went on holiday. Jongin tried to hold him but he was too excited and curled up, rolling around before he settled onto Jongin’s chest.

 

“He must really like you.”

 

“Well, I like him. C’mon baby. Let’s go to bed.”

 

That exact moment was something Baekhyun wanted to hold forever. Jongin was holding Mongryong close with his eyes closed. He looked like he belonged there and Baekhyun sorta loved it. He padded across the room and curled into the blankets before Jongin’s arm wrapped around his waist. Mongryong settled down between them and Baekhyun put his hand under his head.

 

“Goodnight baby.”

 

“Goodnight Jongin.”

 

Like things were falling into place Baekhyun leaned over and kissed Jongin on the lips. He was only started for a moment before he relaxed, then the kiss turned a bit more heated. It didn’t last long before Jongin pulled back and started crying. He wiped his face before pulling Baekhyun as close as he could with the dog between them.

 

“Jongin, why are you crying?”

 

“I just - I can’t.”

 

“You can tell me. It’s okay.”

 

“If you can decipher the date on the pocket watch I’ll tell you.”

 

There was moonlight flooding into the room and Baekhyun had just enough light to see. He ran his fingers over the watch looking at the time. It was stopped at half past one and the little ‘PM’ indicated that it was afternoon. Baekhyun ran his fingers over other lines and numbers in the center. The center was a bright green emerald. Inspecting closer Baekhyun found that the only flowers were Lily of the Valley and hawthorn flowers. They circled the outside of the watch and Baekhyun counted three on each side. He sat for a moment longer thinking before he looked at Jongin holding back tears.

 

“May 6th.”

 

“Do you know what that day is?”

 

Baekhyun sat for a moment contemplating before he smiled and shook his head yes, “My birthday.”

 

“Right, that’s right baby. It’s your birthday.”

 

When Baekhyun looked back down he was pulled into a quivering kiss. He barely felt it. The little blip in his mind. It was like a small flash and a little wave of familiarity washed over him. Jongin pulled back and smiled before kissing Baekhyun once more chaste on the lips.

 

“I promised I would tell you so I keep my word,” Jongin swallowed and Baekhyun felt like he could cry too with how Jongin was holding him, “Baekhyun, you are my boyfriend. You don’t remember me, but I remember you. I’ve been going to the bar for the last six months flirting with you the same way I did when we were in college. The doctors said it would help if you lived things closely to how they were before. I moved out nine months ago. I started going to the bar six months ago and tonight we would have been together for four years.”

 

Baekhyun started crying and looked down at Jongin who was sobbing. He smiled and Baekhyun just listened as he continued to talk about what happened.

 

“We got into an accident when I was taking you out for your birthday. I was okay, but you weren’t. You stayed in a coma for a month. You lost a lot of your memories and I lost myself in ink. I moved out while you were in the hospital and made it as comfortable as possible. You went back to your life and I had to wait until you were ready. Baekhyun, I love you. You don’t remember but I promise to show you every day that I do.”

 

The little things fell into place and Baekhyun laced his fingers with Jongin’s. He knew the apartment because he had lived there before and Mongryong knew him because Baekhyun had him since college. There was comfort in Jongin’s words and Baekhyun realized the reason he was so comfortable around Jongin was because his heart knew him.

 

They stayed in each other’s arms a bit longer before Jongin fell asleep. Baekhyun just traced all the lines on his skin and kissed his shoulder. It was a little puzzle that Baekhyun was always meant to solve. As he laid there little things came back, like the reason it was an emerald in the center. Baekhyun stared a bit longer and let his fingers trace the flowers. Six flowers meant to represent the 6th day. The flowers were specific to the month of May and so was the green gemstone.

 

Jongin was smart and Baekhyun couldn’t help but feel loved. He couldn’t remember much but that didn’t matter. Jongin was trying and he could work with that.


End file.
